Today I’m reminded why I began cartercues. Everywhere I look I see his face. I wonder what he would look like now. I want to see him walk and play. I want to read him a book. I want to hear him laugh. I can’t get him off of my mind. I still see the devastation that remains almost two years later and I fall to pieces. And I guess his mom and dad fight this battle more often than I do which adds to the distress. I figure by now you are tired of reading about the hurt and pain so I try to stifle it other ways; listening to my favorite songs, reading a devotion and a passage from the Bible. I’ve done all of that today, but now I have to dump it into a blog post and add it to the growing collection of the other posts with the familiar theme. So if you are tired of reading about it, this might be a good one to skip.
Why today? I have no idea. It just hit me when I sat down at the desk. We haven’t quite gotten to Carter’s birthday yet, but it won’t be long (about a month away). Is this the beginning of the birthday blues? I hope not; I don’t think I can experience this for a month, although I do realize “I can do everything through Him Who gives me strength.” Php 4: 13
I’ve been reading through the Psalms; today I read chapter 31 and verses 9-10 say
“Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I am in distress, my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief. My life is consumed by anguish and my years by groaning, my strength fails because of my affliction and my bones grow weak.”
Although that’s a decent description of how I feel this morning, it isn’t much help or comfort. Then I read the devotion for today in “Jesus Calling” which says
“Because I am your constant Companion, there should be a lightness to your step that is observable to others. Do not be weighed down with problems and unresolved issues, for I am your burden-bearer. In the world you have trials and distress, but don’t let them get you down. I have conquered the world and deprived it of power to harm you. In Me you may have confident Peace.” (See John 16: 33)
Ok, Lord, it’s all Yours. Thanks.